thrasher's

and of course you'll always have me

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:45:23 GMT

The reality
of geography
hurts.
I hear your words
and think of subtle ways to say
I miss you.

and i hope we meet again

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:44:54 GMT

A sweet voice,
what a suprise,
and I think,
"oh no, not today,"
But I couldn't look away
from that radiant smile
and I laughed with disbelief;
she was smiling just for me.

Dull voices drone on,
later on,
and I said,
"I'm just a little preoccupied,
my mind,"
what an understatement.

Things she doesn't understand

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:44:06 GMT

Her lovely voice, no longer
stolen by the traffic,
was complimented by silence,
the silence of the street.

I watched her feet,
they picked up,
and hung, suspended, for split seconds,
and then descended,
like my hope.

His words hung in the air
and she and I just stood there
both aware we needed no more reminders
of all of the things I'd done.

and it ends

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:43:24 GMT

he told me "i love you"
how am i supposed to walk away from that?
you offered me your hand
when you offered me a downfall.
you offered me an escape,
at the same time,
you offered me the knife.
you poison me with your speech,
you attack me
with a simple brush of the hand.
kiss me and i'm dying.
i'm all yours tonight.
i'm yours forever,
please dont put up a fight.
all i ever wanted was everything
you'll never give me.

what a beautiful wedding

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:42:38 GMT

I sat and wondered
if I miss you.

I concluded that
it's you I'd run to
if my life fell threw;

I know you'd still hold me.

just alittle bored

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:42:12 GMT

decided to post my most recent poems, from the last couple months...

what you see

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:41:47 GMT

there i am again
apologising for my pain
and im hearing 'it's okay'
and i think 'no its not'
When are you going to ask what
whats wrong here?
Whats causing tears?
And actually be by my side?
instead of rolling your eyes
and looking down at me
oh i wonder what you see

my apology

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:41:21 GMT

I remember this time
last year
everything colored red and green
and me
turning back
and choking up;
it didn't go down
as I had planned.
I remember your distaste
your face,
and I wonder if you ingested
my apology.

I vow to not let this break me

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:40:52 GMT

You have created a flawless cage.
One where you can keep me confined, so I can be exactly what you need.
But, darling, It's time for my voice box to be returned.
I am tired of this echoless scream.
Your touch is over rated, and my hips miss my own hands.
It's a violent scenario, but this time, I'm not the one causing a potent fume.
I don't know, if I've started a fire the world is not ready for
or, if you are destroying mine.
But, I can not carry on living within these false pretenses.
Heartbreaker,
I never fit that description well, I'm better off being the victim.
But, this time the tables are turned.
And, your stones are breaking my glass walls.
I did not want to destroy something so beautiful, but your pleas won't leave my ears.

All I needed was a cure for my itch,
and he was the perfect antidote
for the insect that was crawling through my veins.

I was never fond of butterflies,
and you wanted to carve yours into my wrist.
Time destroys everything, leaving me with nothing but
mediocrity,
Which, in retrospect,
drives me crazy.

And, you, you will always be compared to a God.
The world is my trial,
and I am ready to be hung.
Because, he turned me into the perfect insect.
Who will now, devour your world.
Always remember babe,
Validation enters us in strange ways.

you and her

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 06:39:57 GMT

Shouting upward,
I hear you lie,
as you lie
next to me.

My heart breaks.
Have you forgotten
how much you'd loved her
before me?

its been forever

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 03:07:33 GMT

so i thought id update this shit...

lets see:

-getting divorced...

-started a new job

- keeping my house
- got a car

wow....okay now i will post some new poems ive got. lol..i

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 08:28:21 GMT

Glitter Graphics - Get MySpace Hits

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 08:24:57 GMT

Glitter Graphics - Get MySpace Hits</div>

Im still here, and i do read go here from time to time

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 15:41:05 GMT

I just couldn't bring myself to write in here. DOnt know why. I remember when Livejournal was like the place to write stuff, the only place. Everyone had it. hah.

So whats new with me? Hmmm....well lets see. Im happy. For the first time in ages I am actually happy. I get up every morning feeling good about my life, I go to bed each night without a bad thought in mind, and i love that feeling :)

SO in case you were wondering, i have forgotton abou tthis site :)

so crush me, i'm all ears

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 07:10:27 GMT

So, I don't babysit CJ anymore. Long story...and I really don't want to get into it. Yes, I am still friends with Kelley and yes I hate CJ's Father. (or should he even be called that?)

Besides for my sudden rush of loneliness and boredom lately. I am fine.

So, My grandma, grandpa, aunt and uncle aren't coming to my wedding. It's stupid really...and it makes me pretty sad. Actually more angry now that i think about it. They aren't coming b/c my sister will be there, and they don't like her.

I know what your thinking...It's not about them, its about me, right? MY BIG DAY, Right? I would like to tell them to Fuck off, but i can't. It bothers me, but to be honest....I can't keep crying about it. It's not my fault that they are too immature to watch thier granddaughter/neice get married. So, what there will be like four people sitting on my side of the family b/c my mom is a whore and b/c of that reason I've been "discarded" from that side of the family? It's not fair.

It Really isn't. And so I've decided that the people who will come to the wedding and sit on my side (no matter who is there that they don't like) are the people that really love me, and care about my feelings.

So come to my wedding, if your reading this..and sit on my side

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 00:42:49 GMT

i'll be gone for a few days.

Going to va beach again.

didn't think you'd feel so far away

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 01:11:43 GMT

So, i am going to Virginia in 9 days. I am going for vacation, to see my friends,my family and to see chris. (if i can)
He woke up and is breathing on his own. He said a few words. They asked him if he knew where he was and he said "work". It's still too soon to tell what will be wrong with him, if anything at all. (crossing my fingers) His mom wants to move him back to Missouri with her. Although it sounds really nice and sincere and everything...I know Chris. I know how he would feel about it. But Maybe it's for the best that he is with his family. I don't know. I wonder if he will even know me when he sees me. I was so afraid of losing him...that i am so happy that he pulled through it...but i am still afraid that I lost him. Selfish? maybe. But i can't help it. He became such a big part of my life. Everything happy, sad, everything...i talked to him about it. And now i have this big empty space in my heart, and I can't seem to fill it. with time? Maybe.

If i believed in god, at this point, I'd be praying. If i believed in anything- I am grasping for something right now.

Just let him be okay.

more of my poems and such

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 06:23:00 GMT

We reflect back on the time spent,sweeping those memories we’d rather forget under the carpet.
They grow with the old memories, anxiously awaiting to haunt us when we least want it to.The usual responses are uttered to each other,
In a muted tone under our sobs:“friends forever” “see you soon” But they are meaningless.Deep down we know that.
Deep down we know we are lying to ourselves,to everyone.We don’t want to lie, but we have been trained so well. Someday you’ll find yourself sitting alone and the memory that you thought you buried with the lies you told yourself
will sneak up on you.All of a sudden you are swept back to that time,and you are a prisoner to your mind.the past has its tentacles in you
and wont let go. Your heart aches for those people from so long ago,
but your lies kept them away.
Now you wish with all your might that you had tried. But you let society rule you.
Now you are alone with your memories, your regrets,and no way to resolve them. I don’t want to lie to you. I will probably never see you again. But I want to tell you I love you
and I will understand if you never think of me again. There I go lying again.

My words are cold;
I don't want them to hurt you.
found fountains of imagery that are passing-
Through me like a knife.
From a group of friends that prefer to attack from the back.
I'm trying to grasp concepts of your dimensions-
While my universe is laced around your wrist
I am the bracelet you sport-
I am everything that you have ever missed, and more.

She said, "Don't blink, or you'll miss it."
So I keep my eyes open
Waiting for something good
But nothing good ever comes along
And maybe my eyes have been open too long
Because they are growing out of focus
The lines are beginning to blur
But I can't blink now for fear of missing out
I've been waiting so long and so patiently
Too long to just give up now
And if nothing ever comes along
Well at least I will know I tried
And I'll never give in and forget
Because I don't want to live in the land of missed opportunities and regret

Your name repeated in my head once for every word I place down with this pen.

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 06:10:19 GMT

bare with me, i am bored. so i decided to post a few poems...okay so i decided to post alot of them..lol
Untitled
Sensing that contradiction
is not wanted,
but sympathy, I hold my tongue
and do not speak the vision
of my heart,
which, seeing aright, sees only
your beauty.
For me, no other will ever be
as beautiful as you,
nor will such beauty ever fade ----

Please
These are the days
spent finding strings I never knew I had,
to be jerked around.

Meanwhile, you tell of the way
things should be
when you think that you hold
some sort of authority over me.

Take yourself for who you really are.

But I need;
Something.
And I need;
Someone.
But you don't care.

If only I could force feed your mind
and make you choke on your opinions;
Maybe.
Just maybe.
You could see things for what they really are.

But I'm -
Too defenseless to defend myself.
And my heart is too big
not to care.

With so much to say
It's such a tragedy
to be seen as dumb, in my sister's eyes

But when it's all said and done -
Who cares anyway...

Reality
Escape is a fool's paradise
No matter how hard you try
or to whom you've lied
you will be found
behind or around
and the sun will come down
But don't frown
open your eyes
and the sun will rise
and you'll see a bright new light
in the sky
where the stars reside
So realize
It's what you don't see
that's killing me......

Maybe
I know you laugh at me,
and talk about the way I am.
Yea, I have made some mistakes,
but...I didn't mean to.
I know they all think I am crazy,
but maybe I am just a little naive to think
I could make it alone.
Yea, I don't have friends,
but why try if all there is is dissapointment?
I like to think I am stronger than this,
when I cry myself to sleep.
I like to make-believe their is more to life than pain.
Its not my fault, you don't accept me,
even though I am just being myself.
Its not my fault that I have been through more than I should have.
The past is the past, and I can't change that.
Maybe you don't know me or what it is like to be me.
Maybe I am just a little different,
But I am happy now.

we'll write this into a story.....

Thu, 26 May 2005 20:06:48 GMT

I've got truth that's gonna tear you apart
so I'll let you hold onto my lies.
I don't wanna be around when you realize,
you're playing a game you're never gonna win.
And while it could be fun playing
it's never fun losing.
even when you're so used to it.

Well I still don't wanna be around
when you find out every lie we've said
when you find out that i went along with it.
So keep telling me to hold on,
I'll keep writing this story.

Aren't you sick of being in the middle,
while we're making up all that we can?
cause it's about you, it's always about you.
luck, luck, lucky you.

Now you've got truth that's gonna tear me apart
except I don't know anything about the truth
and you're not gonna say anything about the truth either
so today and tonight, this is what we're gonna do,
question after question, back to back, close your eyes
and think about that.
i'm gonna know the truth and then i'll tell you about the lies.

your still the asshole.

Thu, 12 May 2005 15:47:36 GMT

we all know the dark raincloud that's been hovering over you
since you were a child
so your lewd comments and careless attitude has probably
been blamed on this your whole life

but let me tell you
living your life inside out and outlining the electronics
of your design will not inspire
any sort of sympathy within me

there is absolutely no excuse
for the horrible things you've done and said

for chris:

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 17:03:57 GMT

I persuaded you against my instincts to strive for
something of tarnished worth, held together with an old
shoelace dangling from that tree sillhouetted next to the ocean.
Every time I walk by that streetlight
it dims
and fades
and dies.
Leaving me wondering in the dark what
did I ever do to disguise my fading

Telling you my most vivid memory on the cement in the
half-light flickering and melting with the wine that we
had drunk. And the arms around my shoulder seemed like
a dream. It was amazing I didn't have to struggle not to cry.
You were fiery, lighting up the night by the lamppost that posed as a guide.
And I was pouring alcoholic over
flamboyant cardboard happiness.
We were a novel.

Faint and forgotten sliding through the mud
in an imbalanced dance, we wore our shoes to
the door and left them in favor of toes through
the half-frozen slush. While the music played
and you sang to the wall in a cracking laughter.
Nothing seemed real and we watched old movies
until the sun came up
and shivering
and smoking
and talking about the
endless futilities of life.
Which didn't seem so awful
as that boat cut throught the bone-chill ocean and
you were a nymph,
a satyr mistrusting and
dainty over the greyness.
And I was a camera,
eyes blinking and folding to capture
that image of you on the rocks near the salt.
And we were a framed photograph,
holding each other together by our own incomptetence... buckling under the weight of starvation.

When you bit your nails I wondered about the numbers you
punched and hid. We froze together to watch that treetop
swaying in the faint sun and I wondered why you thought you
weren't worthy of everything. Because I knew that you were
something not of this world and the cement challenged our
still-shoeless feet to strain into it walking up a hill that
made our all-night-awake legs seem like heaviness enclothed.

But you were a breath,
changing the course of us when
you let your diaphraghm decide.
And I was a typewriter,
turning and returning words for you.
And we were a sonnet,
read off of your bluing lips perplexed
and blinking in the dawn we had awaited.

ri rant

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 22:32:19 GMT

So, what am I suppose to say? These day are the same of the old stuff. Good, yet monotonous. Not superly good, yet nothing bad occurs to call it a bad day. I want change. Any kind of change. Change is good once in a while, just as long as it's not too disruptive. Did I just contradict myself? I'm sick of hyprocritical things occuring, some things done by me and some by others. The ultimate hypocrit is one who claims someone else is a hypocrit and then they go on to do something hypocritical. I guess I've just been trying to be wise with my words lately. Sometimes words can't even express anything I'm feeling or want to feel. I have no clue where I'm going with this, so don't think there is some hidden meaning or point I'm trying to make...it's all about what YOU make out of it. I can't tell people what to think or say or feel. I have to worry about myself first. I do have to say that I guess things aren't going anywhere fast or even slow. I guess it's the end of whatever there was. I'm kind of happy for that. Melodramatic may be the word. Things begin and they end, it's only natural. Things go around and they come around. Every action has a consequence. Every word that goes untold is another broken heart, more pain, and a more extreme realization by the time the words are spoken and by then they are like daggers. Don't hesitate, speak up. Days are diminishing. Tomorrow is Saturday and the next Sunday. How long has it been, really?~~

something i cant quite forget..

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 08:09:06 GMT

You read the pages of a book i once was,
do you think you know me now?
Maybe not.
I change more times than the moon in cycle,
but read on,
I'm sure you'll find it.
The truth behind the lies,
The story inside the story,
The real me.
Please, don't let me stop you now.
You need to concentrate or you'll miss something.
Once again,
A story told to the youth by the youth.
Once again,
The story I once was.
Go on, read ahead.
I'm sure you'll find something new.

im so annoying.

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 06:44:48 GMT

nice. haha

The Fellowship of the LiveJournal
LJ Username
The Ringbearer:	lizadbeth
The Wizard:	drag0n
The Royal One:	lukieboi4730
The Hot Elf:	morris
The Comic Relief:	sarah_rogers
The Dead One:	nicholas_keith

This cool quiz by ciambawildcat - Taken 20113 Times. </a>

Livejournal Friends Award
LJ Username
Craziest	thelindsbiens
Biggest Slut	lostandalonex
Funniest	starla_gail
Weirdest	em0kh1d
Smartest	angelic_dreams
Do you care?	(8) - Very doubtful. - (8)

This QuickKwiz by akasha82 - Taken 5350 Times. </a>

.:Your LiveJournal World:.
LJ Username
Favorite Color
DOB
Sex
Love...
This person Wants to Fuck you	angelic_dreams
This person secretly loves you	daynarae
This person likes your hair	new_aphrodite
This person has a fedish about your ears	sarah_rogers
This person fell in love with your eyes	heter0lesbian
And This person cares alot about you	sarah_rogers

This QuickKwiz by DumberXBrunette - Taken 5390 Times. </a>

which of your livejournal friends is plotting to kill you?
LJ Username
music to die by
favourite colour
the one plotting to kill you	simplystellar00
the one plotting to overthrow the one plotting to kill you	xxxjadexxx
the person who will hold you as you take your last breath	sarah_rogers
the one who will plan your funeral	robemley
the person who will die with you	xxxjadexxx

This QuickKwiz by negativ_creep - Taken 3790 Times. </a>

Will your LiveJournal friends betray you?
LJ Username
This friend will betray you	lizadbeth
This friend will talk about you behind your back	jessieparker
This friend will kill your pet	xxxjadexxx
This friend will stay by your side	morris
This friend will try to kill you, but fail	stephanielayne
This friend will murder you. (oh poor you)	scooby_69n

This quiz by vampirechick1345 - Taken 3351 Times. </a>

What do your LiveJournal freinds think of you?
LJ Username
You might describe yourself as...
Are you wearing socks?
This person thinks you are da bomb:	stephanielayne
This person wishes you would shut up every now and again:	drag0n
This person has had romantic thoughts about you:	heter0lesbian
This person will always be there for you:	angelic_dreams
This person wishes you would go move to Canada and never come ba	brandy_b_05
Should you take my other quizzes?	YES!

This QuickKwiz by SheWhoKnowsAll - Taken 3005 Times. </a>

LiveJournal Clue! Who murdered you?
LJ Username
It was	angelic_dreams
Partner in crime	jessieparker
In the	Hall
With the	Revolver
Their motive	Your haircut sucks
They will get caught	TRUE

This QuickKwiz by apster - Taken 2233 Times. </a>

Which of your LiveJournal friends actually read your journal?
LJ Username
Do you leave messages?
Reads your LJ every day	heter0lesbian
Wishes you would write about them more	thelindsbiens
Has journal envy	stephanielayne
Only scans your LJ for good gossip	morris

This fun quiz by bluespeckledfroggy - Taken 1 Times. </a>

Lord of the LiveJournal
LJ Username
paranoid ring bearer	theaxemurder
deformed guide	cess
hobbit fancier king	em0kh1d
way-to-fruity elf	angelic_dreams
free floating appendige	thelindsbiens
ring is destroyed?	TRUE

This cool quiz by rocksmysocks - Taken 5 Times. </a>

If you taught your Livejournal friends list in preschool...
LJ Username
The paste eater	angelic_dreams
Thinks the playground is a perfectly good restroom	angelic_dreams
Hogs the swings at recess	lizadbeth
Thinks the paste eater is cute	cess
Teacher's pet	heter0lesbian
Wants their mommy...	amy_riot

This quiz by mimeking - Taken 21 Times. </a>

Your LiveJournal Boyband
LJ Username
Favorite Band
Date of Birth
The adorable one that everybody loves	heter0lesbian
The creepy old one	nicholas_keith
The one with weird hair	morris
The ugly one	scooby_69n
The potentially gay one	theaxemurder
Number of Groupies	407709

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Livejournal Friends Casting for the O.C. -- Adults
LJ Username
Sandy	glittertears182
Kirsten	casperthefriend
Julie	xxxjadexxx
Jimmy	withnarmslength

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