| and i hope we meet again |
[07 Dec 2006|01:44am] |
A sweet voice,
what a suprise,
and I think,
"oh no, not today,"
But I couldn't look away
from that radiant smile
and I laughed with disbelief;
she was smiling just for me.
Dull voices drone on,
later on,
and I said,
"I'm just a little preoccupied,
my mind,"
what an understatement.
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| Things she doesn't understand |
[07 Dec 2006|01:44am] |
Her lovely voice, no longer
stolen by the traffic,
was complimented by silence,
the silence of the street.
I watched her feet,
they picked up,
and hung, suspended, for split seconds,
and then descended,
like my hope.
His words hung in the air
and she and I just stood there
both aware we needed no more reminders
of all of the things I'd done.
|
|
| and it ends |
[07 Dec 2006|01:43am] |
he told me "i love you"
how am i supposed to walk away from that?
you offered me your hand
when you offered me a downfall.
you offered me an escape,
at the same time,
you offered me the knife.
you poison me with your speech,
you attack me
with a simple brush of the hand.
kiss me and i'm dying.
i'm all yours tonight.
i'm yours forever,
please dont put up a fight.
all i ever wanted was everything
you'll never give me.
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| what a beautiful wedding |
[07 Dec 2006|01:42am] |
I sat and wondered
if I miss you.
I concluded that
it's you I'd run to
if my life fell threw;
I know you'd still hold me.
|
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| just alittle bored |
[07 Dec 2006|01:42am] |
|
decided to post my most recent poems, from the last couple months...
|
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| what you see |
[07 Dec 2006|01:41am] |
there i am again
apologising for my pain
and im hearing 'it's okay'
and i think 'no its not'
When are you going to ask what
whats wrong here?
Whats causing tears?
And actually be by my side?
instead of rolling your eyes
and looking down at me
oh i wonder what you see
|
|
| my apology |
[07 Dec 2006|01:41am] |
I remember this time
last year
everything colored red and green
and me
turning back
and choking up;
it didn't go down
as I had planned.
I remember your distaste
your face,
and I wonder if you ingested
my apology.
|
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| I vow to not let this break me |
[07 Dec 2006|01:40am] |
You have created a flawless cage.
One where you can keep me confined, so I can be exactly what you need.
But, darling, It's time for my voice box to be returned.
I am tired of this echoless scream.
Your touch is over rated, and my hips miss my own hands.
It's a violent scenario, but this time, I'm not the one causing a potent fume.
I don't know, if I've started a fire the world is not ready for
or, if you are destroying mine.
But, I can not carry on living within these false pretenses.
Heartbreaker,
I never fit that description well, I'm better off being the victim.
But, this time the tables are turned.
And, your stones are breaking my glass walls.
I did not want to destroy something so beautiful, but your pleas won't leave my ears.
All I needed was a cure for my itch,
and he was the perfect antidote
for the insect that was crawling through my veins.
I was never fond of butterflies,
and you wanted to carve yours into my wrist.
Time destroys everything, leaving me with nothing but
mediocrity,
Which, in retrospect,
drives me crazy.
And, you, you will always be compared to a God.
The world is my trial,
and I am ready to be hung.
Because, he turned me into the perfect insect.
Who will now, devour your world.
Always remember babe,
Validation enters us in strange ways.
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| you and her |
[07 Dec 2006|01:39am] |
Shouting upward,
I hear you lie,
as you lie
next to me.
My heart breaks.
Have you forgotten
how much you'd loved her
before me?
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| its been forever |
[03 Nov 2006|10:07pm] |
so i thought id update this shit...
lets see:
-getting divorced...
-started a new job
- keeping my house
- got a car
wow....okay now i will post some new poems ive got. lol..i
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| Im still here, and i do read go here from time to time |
[21 Feb 2006|09:38am] |
I just couldn't bring myself to write in here. DOnt know why. I remember when Livejournal was like the place to write stuff, the only place. Everyone had it. hah.
So whats new with me? Hmmm....well lets see. Im happy. For the first time in ages I am actually happy. I get up every morning feeling good about my life, I go to bed each night without a bad thought in mind, and i love that feeling :)
SO in case you were wondering, i have forgotton abou tthis site :)
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| so crush me, i'm all ears |
[08 Aug 2005|02:09am] |
So, I don't babysit CJ anymore. Long story...and I really don't want to get into it. Yes, I am still friends with Kelley and yes I hate CJ's Father. (or should he even be called that?)
Besides for my sudden rush of loneliness and boredom lately. I am fine.
So, My grandma, grandpa, aunt and uncle aren't coming to my wedding. It's stupid really...and it makes me pretty sad. Actually more angry now that i think about it. They aren't coming b/c my sister will be there, and they don't like her.
I know what your thinking...It's not about them, its about me, right? MY BIG DAY, Right? I would like to tell them to Fuck off, but i can't. It bothers me, but to be honest....I can't keep crying about it. It's not my fault that they are too immature to watch thier granddaughter/neice get married. So, what there will be like four people sitting on my side of the family b/c my mom is a whore and b/c of that reason I've been "discarded" from that side of the family? It's not fair.
It Really isn't. And so I've decided that the people who will come to the wedding and sit on my side (no matter who is there that they don't like) are the people that really love me, and care about my feelings.
So come to my wedding, if your reading this..and sit on my side
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|
[09 Jul 2005|07:42pm] |
i'll be gone for a few days.
Going to va beach again.
|
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| didn't think you'd feel so far away |
[01 Jul 2005|07:50pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Daphne loves Derby- Hopeless love |
] |
So, i am going to Virginia in 9 days. I am going for vacation, to see my friends,my family and to see chris. (if i can)
He woke up and is breathing on his own. He said a few words. They asked him if he knew where he was and he said "work". It's still too soon to tell what will be wrong with him, if anything at all. (crossing my fingers) His mom wants to move him back to Missouri with her. Although it sounds really nice and sincere and everything...I know Chris. I know how he would feel about it. But Maybe it's for the best that he is with his family. I don't know. I wonder if he will even know me when he sees me. I was so afraid of losing him...that i am so happy that he pulled through it...but i am still afraid that I lost him. Selfish? maybe. But i can't help it. He became such a big part of my life. Everything happy, sad, everything...i talked to him about it. And now i have this big empty space in my heart, and I can't seem to fill it. with time? Maybe.
If i believed in god, at this point, I'd be praying. If i believed in anything- I am grasping for something right now.
Just let him be okay.
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| more of my poems and such |
[20 Jun 2005|01:19am] |
We reflect back on the time spent,sweeping those memories we’d rather forget under the carpet.
They grow with the old memories, anxiously awaiting to haunt us when we least want it to.The usual responses are uttered to each other,
In a muted tone under our sobs:“friends forever” “see you soon” But they are meaningless.Deep down we know that.
Deep down we know we are lying to ourselves,to everyone.We don’t want to lie, but we have been trained so well. Someday you’ll find yourself sitting alone and the memory that you thought you buried with the lies you told yourself
will sneak up on you.All of a sudden you are swept back to that time,and you are a prisoner to your mind.the past has its tentacles in you
and wont let go. Your heart aches for those people from so long ago,
but your lies kept them away.
Now you wish with all your might that you had tried. But you let society rule you.
Now you are alone with your memories, your regrets,and no way to resolve them. I don’t want to lie to you. I will probably never see you again. But I want to tell you I love you
and I will understand if you never think of me again. There I go lying again.
My words are cold;
I don't want them to hurt you.
found fountains of imagery that are passing-
Through me like a knife.
From a group of friends that prefer to attack from the back.
I'm trying to grasp concepts of your dimensions-
While my universe is laced around your wrist
I am the bracelet you sport-
I am everything that you have ever missed, and more.
She said, "Don't blink, or you'll miss it."
So I keep my eyes open
Waiting for something good
But nothing good ever comes along
And maybe my eyes have been open too long
Because they are growing out of focus
The lines are beginning to blur
But I can't blink now for fear of missing out
I've been waiting so long and so patiently
Too long to just give up now
And if nothing ever comes along
Well at least I will know I tried
And I'll never give in and forget
Because I don't want to live in the land of missed opportunities and regret
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| Your name repeated in my head once for every word I place down with this pen. |
[20 Jun 2005|12:58am] |
bare with me, i am bored. so i decided to post a few poems...okay so i decided to post alot of them..lol
Untitled
Sensing that contradiction
is not wanted,
but sympathy, I hold my tongue
and do not speak the vision
of my heart,
which, seeing aright, sees only
your beauty.
For me, no other will ever be
as beautiful as you,
nor will such beauty ever fade ----
Please
These are the days
spent finding strings I never knew I had,
to be jerked around.
Meanwhile, you tell of the way
things should be
when you think that you hold
some sort of authority over me.
Take yourself for who you really are.
But I need;
Something.
And I need;
Someone.
But you don't care.
If only I could force feed your mind
and make you choke on your opinions;
Maybe.
Just maybe.
You could see things for what they really are.
But I'm -
Too defenseless to defend myself.
And my heart is too big
not to care.
With so much to say
It's such a tragedy
to be seen as dumb, in my sister's eyes
But when it's all said and done -
Who cares anyway...
Reality
Escape is a fool's paradise
No matter how hard you try
or to whom you've lied
you will be found
behind or around
and the sun will come down
But don't frown
open your eyes
and the sun will rise
and you'll see a bright new light
in the sky
where the stars reside
So realize
It's what you don't see
that's killing me......
Maybe
I know you laugh at me,
and talk about the way I am.
Yea, I have made some mistakes,
but...I didn't mean to.
I know they all think I am crazy,
but maybe I am just a little naive to think
I could make it alone.
Yea, I don't have friends,
but why try if all there is is dissapointment?
I like to think I am stronger than this,
when I cry myself to sleep.
I like to make-believe their is more to life than pain.
Its not my fault, you don't accept me,
even though I am just being myself.
Its not my fault that I have been through more than I should have.
The past is the past, and I can't change that.
Maybe you don't know me or what it is like to be me.
Maybe I am just a little different,
But I am happy now.
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| we'll write this into a story..... |
[26 May 2005|03:11pm] |
I've got truth that's gonna tear you apart
so I'll let you hold onto my lies.
I don't wanna be around when you realize,
you're playing a game you're never gonna win.
And while it could be fun playing
it's never fun losing.
even when you're so used to it.
Well I still don't wanna be around
when you find out every lie we've said
when you find out that i went along with it.
So keep telling me to hold on,
I'll keep writing this story.
Aren't you sick of being in the middle,
while we're making up all that we can?
cause it's about you, it's always about you.
luck, luck, lucky you.
Now you've got truth that's gonna tear me apart
except I don't know anything about the truth
and you're not gonna say anything about the truth either
so today and tonight, this is what we're gonna do,
question after question, back to back, close your eyes
and think about that.
i'm gonna know the truth and then i'll tell you about the lies.
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